Shut out

It's rainy days like this that remind me of those times I spent with someone in the bed of another, listening to the slight rain and watching the sunlight clear up the grey skies. Bundled up in blankets, curled up next to a person. I'm over him but it's the memories of having someone that stays.

No more saving grace

Those scars, they stay to remind you that you have to try so much harder to be better.

You push everyone away because you can't deal, because you don't want to land yourself in sticky situations. Because it's so much easier to be alone away from those problems. Eventually you'll be left behind, because no one bothers enough to stay with you or move you along. But why complain? That's what you wanted wasn't it? You want to feel the pain, the hurt of being forsaken. So that if things don't turn out the way you want it it's others' fault, but not really. You started it. But then the argument is that how you end up alone was a decision you made, a choice. Then you aren't at fault again. Oh but you're in anguish just the way you're used to. Because being at the bottom of the world, you get to feel the high at times and the crash is so much gentler. So there you stay, like in the past, for now and maybe forever.

Hurt - Johnny Cash

Asphalt to me has never looked so soft

I knew about the blade behind my back but I hadn't expected a bullet to my brain.

Not good for anyone

I think I was meant to be alone. You know like how certain screws have a specific thread that fit into a hole, or how some colors just fit into a picture? I'm like that one screw with a messed up thread, that one color nobody uses. I feel like that one piece of clothing that can't be incorporated into any outfit.

I pretend that I don't care but I don't think I'm happy.

Just feelings.

Why do I feel so lonely? When does it ever ends?