Not good for anyone

I think I was meant to be alone. You know like how certain screws have a specific thread that fit into a hole, or how some colors just fit into a picture? I'm like that one screw with a messed up thread, that one color nobody uses. I feel like that one piece of clothing that can't be incorporated into any outfit.

I pretend that I don't care but I don't think I'm happy.

Just feelings.

Why do I feel so lonely? When does it ever ends?

Fly, fly away.

Trying to die because I like the process. When you feel yourself losing it, it's like a reminder of you still being alive and really able to die. It gets me so fucking high every time. 

It's getting lonely here, for me.

One day, I'll be gone.

Life, now.

I am so bloody tired all the bloody time. Like a bear that can't hibernate in winter tired. Everyday school, then weekends work and I have no time to finish my projects. Take today for example, I worked from 11am to 8pm, go dinner at eunos until 9+ then reached home at 10+ then I sit around soaking my poor aching feet while trying to relax and fuck it's 1145pm. Time, where the fuck you fly to? So now I am going to finish writing this post, bathe and sleep. Which means that bedtime would probably be 1am. And I have to get up at 830 latest. Fuckkkk.

And once I finish working tmr, I have to rush home to finish the bloody ILR project which is due at like 10 freaking am. Meaning, that I'll have no time to sleep and go straight to school until 4 then rush home to sleep all the way until 9am tutorial on Tuesday. But wait, I have to start on my ROM project so that I can consult the tutor on Tuesday. Then I have to rush out AM project the whole of next week. And maybe FEM and ROM. What. The. Fuck. Is. This. Shit. 

I'm only 18, I should be having the time of my life. But pay day is coming! YAYYYYY!

Well, I'd be for like a day or so. My dad complain my bank empty, meaning I have to put in $500 to shut him up = I'm left with $200. Then I have to buy concession and toiletries = $100 left. Then my drinks and ciggies = $0. Yay. Life is awesome. Then I have to work my ass off until the 15th to get another $250. I need more time, and another job.

And then there's this thing about going to Maldives. Okay, first, yay Maldives. But then, the people I'm going with is like. And the Reason? I can't even don't go. And I'm pretty sure I can't bring anyone along because of the Reason. And it's going to be a 8-9 days trip. Sighpie.

This is totally what I want and need right now. Okay, nights.

So what now?

Sometimes I wished I lived alone. This way I'd never have to come back or wake up to an empty house, feeling so very alone in this world. Then I realized, I probably wouldn't be able to take care of myself. But I really don't like feeling lonely when I'm among others.