Who?

I like you. There's this thing I feel that scares me so much, I willed myself not to like you anymore and I think it's working but somehow I don't want it to? Do you like me too, or are you yet another player type?

Stress

Exactly 52.5 hours before I need to fly off to Taiwan and I haven't even put a single thing into my luggage. Die already. Don't even say pack, I haven't coordinate my wardrobe AND wash my new clothes. AAND I haven't go look for the card which allows me to pass through security check due to my back surgery. DIEEEEE. I'm so stressed! ARGHHHHHH!

I should probably get off the computer and get some shit done. Which reminds me, I have to finish psychology project before I leave. Oh god, why. Why i always so last minute!!! Jialat sia, this holiday so stress. I shall go pack toiletries for a start. Or maybe coordinate my wardrobe on paper as I'm too lazy to leave my bed. HAHA.

There is..

Two.

There's a person out there who's interested but I'm not so sure.

There's another person I'm sure of but I don't know if he is.

Which would you choose?

Mid Sem Tests

Aaaand it's that time of the year again. Half a semester gone and one more paper to go. Super motivated to study! For once HAHA. Cause of a wonderful tutor that I finally understand econs. But confirm must procrastinate one, why break tradition right? SO. I'm blogging instead of studying. 江山易改，本性难移. tsktsk. 

Changing hair color after last paper tomorrow. Bored of light brown lion-like hair. Planned to do dark brown but my hairdresser say after awhile will fade. Can't decide between doing ash green again cause it's a safer choice or take a risk and try dark red. Like fun ley but if i don't like i no money re-dye HAHA jialat. Must consider properly. Arbo tomorrow i just walk in see mood then anyhow. Dark red like chio sia but i scared my skin tone too warm for reds :/ So mafan, why I not born faaaaair?! Red? Red red red? Yes, no? 

Trusting that everything will work out

I once used to go into relationships just so I don't have to be single but somewhere along the way I got used to being perfectly fine alone.

Careful, angel.

They said it'll be okay. When's my turn?

.

You're like a frightened rabbit. So scared and alone yet you won't let anyone near you. To help you, to accompany you. Shutting everyone out, how long are you going to keep it up ?

Happiness

What is it, really?

my life has been like this during this holiday. no motivation to do much, don't feeling like doing much. alive feels dead sometimes.
school's starting in less than a week, come to think of it, one and a half months of holidays passed really quickly. can't really remember what i did. it feels like i was asleep half th time.

next semester time table like shiok only. one week only got 19hrs of lecture+tutorials. total 5modules compared to last sem's 7 modules & 25hrs a week.
but problem is i don't have cds then need go find course advisor on the first day of school. i scared kena those sucky ones that nobody wants but worse if dont even get one then my second year will be super packed sia.

hopefully i get one & it'll not screw up my super shiok timetable. need to achieve abv 3.5 for gpa this sem. die alr lo everyday study, sad life max.

love seems like this nowadays. either this or people just wants to fuck you. i used to think being fuckable is relativey good cause like desirable ma but you'll feel like a fucking blow up doll after awhile. like so insulting. 

i prefer those can heart to heart talk kind already lo. but i don't like h2h talks unless it's w my bestie cause it makes you feel so vulnerable. hate feeling weak, must be strong. 

and i did something stupid. again. i itchy finger go click on my ex's fb then i saw him happily attached. i don't like him anymore la & happy for him but like 心酸酸 sia. don't know why like that one! annoying lol. 

hopefully one day get to meet someone that makes me feel like i'm seeing lights all over my dark world just by being w them. arbo i'll just get a dog and blanket and be a lonely cat lady. like not bad also, dog at most also shit on your carpet. won't make you sad. #foreveralone yaoming.jpg

okay la, need go bathe then go for acupuncture+cupping. & my shoulder damn lousy, the other day play pool for awhile only the next day pain fuck. zz. just now dady damn weird, say appointment at 10 but 6+ already downstairs waiting. ask him come up sleep he dw. dafug. 

planning go taiwan for 1week during end of december. quite excited cause can like drop everything here and go there enjoy. but going w gugu's two friends and their families. scared awkward ley. but can go shopping before th trip to buy early winter clothes. dady pay somemore hehe. #cheapo 

8:23 already 9 need go down . shall go prepare alr . 

i loved you w my heart really && truly .

been using photo editing app [fotolr ps - recommended by my piggy <3] to edit th eye make up like this recently . going start doing make up in rl lyk this too :3

i've been emoing for too long ! starting to give off emo fumes alr >< butbutbut im happier now ^-^ #happygirl95

can i go back to being a kid ? ):

suddenly feel very old :/ after poly most probably working alr becoming an adult alr x.x time passes too fast :o
scar on my heart , heart on my sleeve . loved like nvr before .
dun be stupid alr sometimes when you feel like things have come to a standstill just let go . dun torture yourself further . im glad i had th strength to fang shou . at least im happier w myself now .
i rilly want to be loved like how i loved . i want to be happy tgt w a person who i love && who loves me back just as much #11:11

18feb12

we know each other for so many years but we finally met on th 12th of feb 2012 . i wasnt expecting anything . ive nvr felt anything strong towards you , you were always just my twinneh . how was i to know , tht upon meeting you i'll feel such strong love towards you ?

first day we met , you came down hougang look for me ate ur favourite ba cho mee

thn we went town look for samuel , spent th whole day tgt thn we looked for my bestie tgt after tht you insisted on sending me home even when you might miss ur last bus . in th end i didnt wanted you to leave so you stayed over at my place , talking , playing audi , playing w tumbles . tht was th first time i watch you slp , you wudnt close ur eyes all th way making me think tht ur awake . i'd wave my hands infront of ur face hoping tht ur awake so tht i can hug u ever so tightly . but you were such a pig kept on slping in th end i went to clean tumble's potty && bathed . still rmb , i was otp in th kitchen cause i didnt wanted to wake up by toking in th living room even tho i wanted to watch you slp . u came looking for me thn u fell aslp while leaning against my kitchen entrance . so cute . i still rmb in th morning after we ate , i was washing th dishes you came over && hugged me from behind . i nvr felt so loved in a long long time . thn my grandpa came in suddenly && u put ur hand at my waist thr which looked damn wrong . when i ask u why u nvr just move away u said you were pretending to poke me . after i heard tht i cudnt help but kept laughing . so silly . thn we went to my room && slpt tgt until afternoon . you placed ur hand on my shoulder while you slpt , i didnt have th heart to remove ur hand even tho it was pressing down on me . i wanted to feel you close .

13feb . after we woke up you left for home while i went for my dinner . after dinner i didnt noe if my dad allowed me ton but i didnt wanted to ask him so i waited till he slpt thn i sneaked out , bus to amk , no more train service so i cab down to gombak whr u were drinking w ur fwens . i didnt noe whr you were so you tok to th cabby otp until you were sure th uncle knew whr to bring me thn you pei me otp summore . inbetween th ride you still called to tell th uncle th exact location . i still rmb thinking you so kiasu but it was such a sweet feeling , having someone you love caring for you . when reaching tht time you called (again !) and say you were wearing red , your fwen wearing green ask uncle stop at busstop cause u waiting thr . even tho i just saw you less thn 12hrs ago i was so happy to see you again i felt lyk i missed you so much . by th time we went back whr ur fwens were they alr finished all th drinks , thn you spent ur last ten dollars to cab us back to ur hse cause you didnt want me to have to walk . i wudnt have minded walking cause it was w you . spent th night in your room , found out so much about you . best night of my life . rmb tht bandage ? i still do . nowadays i cannot look at bandages without being reminded of you . but in th morning your dad chase me out but you said its okayy so we stayed until evening before we left . th day i spent th night && day w you was 14feb . valentine's day . my first vday w someone . 16years of my life single on vday my 17th year was w you . th one person i loved whole-heartedly . i cudnt believe my luck , hu knew it was all about to end soon ? we spent th whole vday tgt thn during night you came to my place again , we were practically inseparable . hu knew tht night my grandpa kpkb thn you had to wait for me downstairs . i felt so bad . i was waiting in my room thinking of you every single moment . scared tht you'll be cold , hungry , lonely . all these . but i kena padlock so i cudnt go down . in th end morning when my dad leaving for work i went over my bestie's place for a few days . thn we met thr in th morning . sitting at th staircase outside her hse , having nth much but yet so happy tgt . i rmb letting you slp on my lap while i watched you slp , so afraid to move even an inch so as not to wake u up . ended up w my legs numb . it was worth you resting tho . tht was 15feb alr . we spent th whole day tgt again but at night you wanted to wait for me at th staircase i didnt let you , i asked you to go look for your fwens , not because i was chasing you away it was because my bestie's parents didnt liked th idea of you slping at th staircase && i very hard to zuo ren .

16feb , i went down fajar look for you . you cudnt come out of ur hse so we stayed at staircase again . we spent very little time tgt but it was enough just to be w you . i rmb meeting your mum && sis . we were happy all th way until tht night i went back you fell aslp , woke up but nvr text me thn you met them . things started to happen thn. we had one whole perfect week tgt . how was i to know tht my luck was running out soon . fate is so mean , gave me one perfect guy whom i love && who love me back but onli to take everything away a week ltr . if i wasnt meant to keep it whyye give it to me in th first place ?

18feb , we got tgt . we were happy until march , tht was when we started being unhappy. i missed th times we had tgt . i miss your smile . i miss your laughter . i miss your hugs . i miss your kisses . i just miss you . idk why it hurts so much . idw to get over you , i still love you even more thn when we first met .

your this face , i miss it so much . haven seen it in a long time alr .. i just wish we can be twinnehs again ..
you had this habit of putting ur hand on me while you slp , making me feel so safe like your thinking of me even when ur aslp . i miss being ard you . i miss your presence . please dun cease to exist in my life . i really wun be able to take it . how many times i've thought of using drug overdose as a way out , go over th other side to look for keykey && my grandma . but i cant bear to leave my dad , bestie && tumbles behind . wat if you dun even care whether im here anot . it hurts but doesnt matter , over thr i'll have my grandma & keykey again . maybe soon . soon.
18feb12. i love you then , i love you now , i'll love you always . idc abt anything i just wish you'd come back . as anything oso can . just be back by my side again please ?

because i didnt have a reason for loving you , i don't have a reason to stop .

ur nth but n asshole

th first snowflake fell , th snowball starts spinning . && control isnt in th picture .

everytime he flirts w a million girls , i die a little inside .

everytime he leads me on , i felt lyk i was chasing after an imaginary twig .

he would talk about th future , makes plans for our non existent r/s but he nvr did commit at tht moment . part of me want to nvr tok to him again , yet part of me would still trusts tht one day he'd change .

a person can make th same realization a thousand times in their lives but still , th knowledge doesnt sink in . i noe he's an asshole , he's proven himself many time over to be an asshole but i still cant let go of tht asshole .

insanity : repeating th action over && over , yet expecting a different result

wait for prince charming to save me ? pui . im gonna be my own hero && break out of tht asshole's bullshyt .

tumbles ish sho adorable *-*

th onli guy i nid in my life - tumbles :3